As a recovering chronic unwanted advice giver, I am bursting at the seams to share 28 thoughts, advice, and lessons I have learned in my 28 years of life. On March 22, 28 years ago in Portland, Oregon, I came screaming into the world. And now I’m here, almost 30 (!!!) and I’m happy to share what I’ve learned from these 28 laps around the sun:
I’ve learned to embrace my weirdness — it will shine through anyway. Despite my best efforts to camouflage, disguise, or dampen my inherent weirdness, it seems to come through anyway. During I time where I most felt like I “fit in,” I remember a girl I knew describing me to someone else as “a bit odd” — that was the moment that I knew I either had to accept it or live in denial.
I’ve learned to embrace change in myself. Being someone who generally accepts and even likes change, I have found it difficult to fully accept myself changing. The environment changing? Sure. Job changing? Great. Seasons changing? Cool. Myself changing? WHAAAT? It’s scary, and I’ve even felt afraid of disappointing a past version of myself. I try to remind myself that I am in the present moment and this is the only “me” that exists right now. I am the accumulation, summation of what I have been and the hope of what I am to be.
I’ve learned to let myself be surprised. Start an exercise program without expecting any results – and then be surprised to see muscles pop up on your arms! Do a skincare routine without measuring the progress each day – and be surprised someday when you notice your skin is brighter! It’s so much more fun to commit to a routine when you aren’t painstakingly aware of every little bit of progress. Just put yourself into auto pilot, and every so often, let yourself be pleasantly surprised at the results.
I have learned to WRITE. IT. DOWN. Times I thought I’d remember forever so vividly have faded, emotions more distant. I remember when I was younger, thinking “I’ll always remember this.” Plot twist: I only remember thinking that, and don’t remember what it was I was thinking that about! Even though my journals are devastatingly embarrassing, I am grateful for what I wrote — it transports me back in time.
I’ve learned to dance it out. If you feel angry, put on some rage music. If you feel sad, play that Billie Eilish song that plays at the end of the Barbie movie. If you feel happy, jump up and down. Feel it all and honor it through movement and music! Let the emotions work their way through you. Welcome your emotions to tea in your mind. Say hello, honor them, and give them the attention they need to be satisfied and move on.
I’ve learned to look outside of myself to feel better about myself. There is no other way to shock you into humility than by serving someone who is in a more dire situation than you are. That can look like being a listening ear, showing up where you are needed, or going out of your comfort zone to help someone.
I’ve learned (and relearn) to delete the apps! They will always be there. The people you love will still be there. When you find yourself spiraling, do yourself a favor and take a break.
I’ve learned the truth about viral videos. Having a video go viral isn’t as great as you’d think! For some time I thought I’d enjoy making little videos on a daily basis. It only took gross boys showing up in my DMs, people commenting on my feet, a few dozen death threats, and a deteriorating self-esteem for me to realize that wasn’t for me! Here’s a video from the glory days:
I learned that I don’t have to monetize my hobbies. If you’re in the realm of being a creative person, it can be easy to feel like the only way to be successful is by making money for what you’re good at. If you are able to do that, great! If I am able to do that, great! But there are some hobbies that I want to keep a hobby ONLY. I need some sanity and joy! Protect your hobbies, friends!! Protect them at all costs!!!!
I’ve learned I am up for a challenge. Doing challenges can be empowering every once in a while! Sticking to something, even for 30 days, is stupidly HARD to do. Last January, Jonny and I did Whole30 and stuck to it nearly perfectly. It was really hard but we still talk about that time with fondness. It can be a fun way to push yourself, learn more about yourself, and is deliciously satisfying to finish. Last year, I did Whole30 and Inktober, and I am glad I did!
I’ve learned to think: “Why not you?” Sign up for contests, go on a fancy vacation, apply for competitive scholarships, interview for jobs you are totally not qualified for… why not you?
I’ve learned to turn what could be on-time-events into traditions. We have found such a fun group of friends where we live. We’ve been friends for just about two years, and we are starting to make traditions out of the things we did last year. Galentine’s? Memorial Day Trip? It’s tradition! Traditions can be a great way to mark time and celebrate growth!
I’ve learned that relationships grow out of repetition. What I mean by this is if you struggle to make friends, start showing up at the same places consistently. Go to the same coffee shop at the same time each week, branch out at work, find a volunteer organization, etc. Places where people have to consistently show up is a great way to create lasting friendships. Some of my best friendships have come from work or church settings — which is all about repetition and consistency!
I’ve learned to write “after stories.” The best way to predict the future is create it, just like good ol’ Abraham Lincoln says! The concept of an “after story” is to write a short story about your life as if it already happened. Ex: “I found the most fulfilling job! I enjoy going to work every day and I am so glad I held out until I found one that fit.” Sometimes I write mini after-stories when needed, like a job search. I also like to do a long-term after-story, and a yearly after-story. Writing it all down helps you realize what you want, and then you can let Life figure out the rest! Once your story becomes 70% true, write a new one!
I’ve learned to speak out my desires. Along that same vein as after-stories, there is POWER in speaking your desires. I have found that some of the most vulnerable things you can say are what you truly desire! It can feel so lame and scary and naked to say, “Well… I desire to publish a poetry collection.” Or “I desire a drama-free friendship” or “I desire to feel seen and heard in my relationship” — whatever it is, whatever you desire, speak it! Honor it, write about it, show up for it. Regena Eisenhauer says that the “Holy Trinity” of tapping into your feminine power is to share a Brag, Desire, and Gratitude. Brag about what good you have done or what good has happened to you, share a desire, and speak out gratitude! It makes a difference.
I’ve learned that curiosity is an antidote to judgment. Instead of thinking, “Ugh, that’s so weird that she likes ketchup on her ice cream,” get curious and ask, “Have you always put ketchup on ice cream? How did you start doing that? Do you put ketchup on other random things, too?” Curiosity can lead to deeper understanding, deeper appreciation, and a deeper knowledge of the people and world around you! Take a pause and find out more about how people are experiencing this world.
I’ve learned that when you expect everything to work out for you, it often will.
I’ve learned that the best way to support people is to help them realize their own power. Like I mentioned in the beginning of this post, I used to looooove telling people what to do. I mean, I’m a teacher — I get paid to tell people what to do. In my personal life, though, nobody really took my advice, nobody really enjoyed me telling them what to do, and they didn’t feel my support or love. The hard truth is this: even if they are asking for advice, they won’t listen to your advice anyway. I’ve learned that when someone confides in you asking for advice, turn them back to themselves. Repeat what they’re saying, and do not allow yourself to become the source of their power. They need to be the source of their own power.
I’ve learned that if he wants to, he will. The common dating quip “If he wanted to, he would” is true!! Here’s what I’ve learned to help him “want to”: respect yourself and your time. Don’t accept last-minute dates. Invest in yourself. Have an opinion. Keep listening even after you think he’s done talking. Look for someone to add to your already fulfilling life, not complete an unfulfilling one.
I’ve learned to not put my dreams on hold for a more “convenient time.” Life is short! Inconvenience yourself to live your dreams! I had always always wanted to teach English in Taiwan. The timing never worked out, and after I got married, I felt like maybe it wouldn’t happen. But it did! With some inconvenience. And now I feel so happy that I fulfilled that dream.
I’ve learned to follow my intuition. Intuition is like a muscle — when you listen to it and follow through, it’s easier to listen to it in the future. I used to be afraid of the word intuition because I felt like it was replacing the idea of the Holy Spirit. Now I think of them as the same. Jesus said that the Kingdom of God is in us, and I think that’s true.
I’ve learned to get really, really good at forgiving others and even more good at forgiving myself. It’s hard to forgive harder and harder (for me) to forgive myself. But that’s what allows you to move on and accept life and live more abundantly. (I learned this from this talk — which is possibly my favorite LDS conference talk of all time)
I’ve learned to give people the gift of being listened to. I’m not perfect at this, but I have learned that listening to people is the easiest way to connect with them. Put down your phone. Don’t let your eyes wander. Hang on to their every word. Treat them like they are the only person in the room. Give them your full attention!
I’ve learned that being self-critical will not help you perform better. Having high expectations can bring about big goals and dreams and plans… be a cheerleader for yourself, not a critic. Often we try to protect ourselves from failure or criticism by beating other people to it.
I’ve learned to believe in miracles, look for miracles, acknowledge miracles, and then send up gratitude when you see them.
I’ve learned to use Google Calendar. As much as I want to be someone who uses a cute paper planner and is extremely organized, the truth is, Google Calendar is where it’s at. When someone tells me something important (birthday, anniversary, important doctor’s appointment, chid’s birthday, etc) I try to put it in my Google Calendar. I created a new calendar called “People Yearly Events” just for this. That way, I can see the events that happen each year and have them automatically updated on the next year!
I’ve learned to recognize the difference between my business, their business, and God’s business. A friend once told me, “What other people think about you is none of your business.” If I am upset about an argument happening between two other people, I have to realize that I am stepping into their business. Or if I am anxious about colder weather coming back, I have to realize that is God’s business. Having that framework helps me compartmentalize and stay in my own business.
I have learned to actively seek wonder, awe, and magic in life. Be amazed at your body. Gasp at every swirling sunset. Crouch down to look at the way a bug crawls up a blade of grass. Do your best to treat every moment of every day as magical, and you will lead a magical life.
Whew… we made it to the end! I am thankful for my 28 years of life. I really do feel proud of the person I’ve become (and am becoming?!)
Thanks for being here and for reading my posts. I’m honored to know you!
I love your writing!! And you! Happy Birthday!
Very inspiring! Thank you so much for sharing these words of wisdom. 🤍