Are you depressed, or just in your luteal phase?
Discovering and celebrating the menstrual cycle
It is Women’s History Month and International Women’s Day is on Friday, so today I am writing about something near and dear to me: the menstrual cycle.
Growing up, the only part of the menstrual cycle I was aware of was the period. I’d typically only hear people talk about periods in a negative way. To be fair, there are a lot of inconveniences surrounding periods. They cause cramps, they are annoying, they limit some activities, and for many women, it can be a very painful experience that happens every 28 days — it’s not a one-time thing, but a recurring pain!
This past year or so, I started studying the menstrual cycle, and I’m not exaggerating when I say that it has changed everything about the way I see myself, others, and the whole world.
Part of me can’t wait to have a daughter so I can bake a huge cake when she gets her period for the first time! I will throw a huge party! Cry with her! Hug her! Embarrass the crap out of her!
The mysteriousness of the cycle, the misunderstanding of the cycle, the magic of the cycle. It’s all there, within us.
Men have hormones, too, and interestingly they follow the pattern of the sun: resetting daily. When putting this in context with our patriarchal society, it makes sense that many self-help books and exercise routines are fixated on doing “X-Y-Z EVERY DAY for a better life! ” Men are essentially wired to be able to maintain that. And women have followed suit to that "everyday” routine.
However, with women, our hormones look more like an ebb and flow of estrogen and progesterone. We follow the moon – waxing and waning. It’s even said that most women’s menstrual cycles follow the moon! When there’s a full moon, you might be either ovulating or bleeding. With the new moon, vice versa.
Here is a visual:
If this is all new to you, here is a simple breakdown. (Note: I am not an expert at ALL in this stuff, this is just a summation of what I’ve learned and try to live by. I will link some great resources at the bottom of this post!)
Winter (Period): Time of rest. You should be eating more iron and zinc, since your body is losing iron through menstruating. Eat cooked, cozy foods. Meats, deep greens, and chocolate (!!) are some recommendations.
Spring (Follicular): The egg is forming, and estrogen starts to rise! You start to look ahead into the future, have fun making plans, and starting to feel more social again. This is a great time for fun exercise classes. Your digestion is getting better, so you can start eating lighter, sauteed foods (like fish and veggies!)
Summer (Ovulation): The egg is formed and beautiful! Interestingly, your face and body are the most symmetrical at this time. You feel social and confident and strong. This is a great time to lift weights, do a headstand, take cute pictures of yourself and others, and have fun!
Fall (Luteal + Pre-menstrual): The egg has been released at this point, and your body is wondering whether or not it is pregnant. You start to retreat back into yourself. This is a time when you are more introspective, introverted, and reflective on the past. You might feel a sudden urge to organize or deep clean. You also will feel hungrier! You need to eat more during this time, specifically slow-burn carbs (like potatoes!) and healthy fats. Exercise will be most beneficial if it is more chill and low-impact.
Having this information has been so empowering to me, and I love the idea of working with your hormones, not against them. Learning about this was life-changing for many reasons.
First off, it helped me understand why my weight fluctuated throughout the month. I would feel so great about my body one day, and then the next week would feel frustrated that I wasn’t seeing “progress” with my exercise. I would make it about me – I must be doing something wrong, I’m not good enough, etc. In the context of the cycle, it all makes sense! My body was just being a body!
My influx of emotions made more sense. I have always been someone who has been extremely emotional. I’ve never been too embarrassed or worried about crying in front of others (for better or for worse). As I have become older, I’ve been more frustrated by it. I didn’t understand why I could be level-headed one day and overly-emotional the next. Now I understand. When I first started tracking my cycle, I noticed that during my luteal phase, when I was more introspective and reflective of the past, I’d get hung up on the same mistakes I’d made years ago. Instead of shaming myself for being caught up on it again, I could Noticing that it was a pattern, I could actively work to heal those issues and forgive myself and others. Sometimes the luteal phase unearths parts of our lives we still need to feel and heal. It’s beautiful!
Learning all this stuff helped me romanticize each stage. I could light candles and embrace the coziness of winter each month during my period. I wouldn’t force myself to be social during my luteal. I would plan a party or a trip during my follicular phase. I would attempt to do a handstand during my ovulation phase! Working with, and not against my hormones has helped me try to maximize the gifts of each phase.
Putting language to what I had been unknowingly experiencing my whole life was empowering. I can tell Jonny, “I’m in my luteal phase!” and he knows what that means. It’s helpful to have a language within our partnership that acknowledges the complexities of hormones and the role it plays in my mood.
Lastly, embracing each season within me has helped me embrace each season around me. The earth embodies the cycles of the female body. We don’t call the earth “Mother” for no reason. She goes through seasons, plants and trees die, blossom, and grow over and over and over again.
“Once we start to work with Feminine power we begin to see that it is not our minds that are in control of this power – it ebbs and flows with the movements of the planets, the procession of the seasons, the moons and tides, our own internal cycles of menstruality, anniversaries, the events around us… We learn that they are all part of the same process. We open towards the energy, rather than shut down to it. We learn to trust the flow.”
― Lucy H. Pearce, Burning Woman
I hope and pray that the next generation of girls will be taught this menstrual language, these waxing and wanings of our lives, and use it to create a more aligned life. I was never taught to hate my menstrual cycle — largely, I just tried to ignore it as much as possible. But, by shutting myself off from it, I was unknowingly putting unrealistic expectations on myself to perform at the same capacity physically and emotionally each day. In reality, that’s not how my body is made to work.
Learning not to ignore or demonize my menstrual cycle has helped me give myself, and others, grace. It has opened me up to the power of womanhood and femininity and has opened my eyes to the way women and the earth ebb and flow together. Women are the heartbeat of humanity!
Each day, everywhere, I am amazed by women.
I see women shouldering immense responsibility and impossible burdens.
I see women following their intuition, and be rewarded for it.
I see women pour their hearts into others.
I see women making something beautiful out of something painful.
I see women hoping and growing despite the murkiness and confusion of life.
Friday is International Women’s Day. I’ll pass along the quote that seems to float around each year: “Here's to strong women: May we know them. May we be them. May we raise them.”
Have a good week! Go hug a woman in your life!
Helpful Resources:
28ish Days Later Podcast. Produced by BBC, each episode goes through each day of the menstrual cycle. They include personal experiences, details of history, and more!
This episode of this podcast is what piqued my curiosity of the menstrual cycle!
The guest of the above podcast has a website that is all about balancing your cycle. She has a short, self-published ebook that I found to be a helpful reference!
“Fast Like a Girl” by Mindi Pell has great information on how to sync your eating windows with your cycle. You’d like it.
Interesting to learn about!