Something for Sundays: God is an Alchemist
What I learned about making choices from dating and ice cream
Something for Sundays is a series of posts about my experiences with the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, featured in my Kimber Was Here newsletter. My posts reflect my personal journey wrestling with Mormon faith and tradition, and may challenge some beliefs. If you're not in the right space to read this, I understand, I do not fault you, and I am so grateful you subscribe anyway. :)
On our road trip from Texas to Utah, Jonny and I listened to The Alchemist by Paulo Coehlo. We listened to it on 1.5X speed (that’s all I can handle) and breezed through the book on our drive.
I had read bits and pieces before, but never finished it all the way through. Jonny makes it a goal to read it every year, as a reminder to himself to follow his heart (he’s a smart guy!).
Before reading it, I didn’t really know what alchemy was. It turns out that alchemy is a medieval philosophical practice that attempts to transform one substance into another. For example, tapping into the inner powers of nature to turn lead into gold.
In the story, the main character, Santiago, embarks on a journey to follow his heart to find the treasure of his dreams at the base of the Egyptian pyramids.
But… Santiago doesn’t go straight to Egypt to find his treasure.
He needs to work some years in a crystal shop to gain money. He ends up meeting a woman who he loves. He faces a challenge head-on to turn himself into the Wind.
As he follows his heart, he is guided to meet the people he needs to meet, learns the skills he needs to learn, and consistently attempts bravery as he journeys along the winding path to his treasure.
As I think about the path that my life has taken, the people I’ve met, the places I’ve been, and the small choices that amounted to bigger choices down the road, I see that it is not a straightforward path!
Following your heart, following God, can be a great adventure, if we are brave enough to do so.
Are you making up “the rules”?
I once went on a date that completely changed my life. Not in a lovey-dovey sort of way, but in a kick-in-my-pants sort of way.
The guy really wanted to get married. Not to me, just to anyone!
During our date, he kept talking about how annoyed he was that he was single, how lame it was that all of his friends were married, and how he felt he would never find his future partner (I was confused why he was complaining about this to me, a girl he was taking on a date, but alas).
He told me of job opportunities he had turned down that would have taken him to Australia and England because he felt that his best bet of finding his wife would be in Provo, Utah. He seemed sad to be stuck in a job he didn’t like, in a place he didn’t like because he was guessing at God’s plan that this is where he needed to be.
I tried to comfort him the best I could, and to be honest, I pitied him because I saw myself in him. What rules had I made up for myself, what stories did I play in my head, that kept me bound from going after what I actually wanted?
Now, I’m not sure what happened with this guy, and I hope he got what he was looking for, but all I know is that night I went home and immediately applied for two study abroad programs that I had been dragging my feet on.
Although he didn’t intend to, my date that night taught me to not squander my “one wild and precious life” (Mary Oliver’s words always jolt me back to reality).
Straightjacket Living
Sometimes, especially during my dating years, I found myself strapping on an imaginary straightjacket that I thought God wanted me in. Because I knew I wanted to get married eventually, I thought I had to live in a certain place, find a certain profession that would be a good “back-up,” and felt nervous about going on a two-month study abroad in case the perfect guy came around and wanted to marry me!!!!
It can be so easy to put God in a really teeny tiny box :)
During those years, I had to tell myself over and over that Jane Gooddall went out to Tranzania by herself to study chimpanzees and was minding her own business when Hugo Van Lawick came to take pictures for the National Geographic! You can find love anywhere! Not just Provo, Utah!
I am so incredibly good at making up rules for myself, and if I am not careful, my straightjacket can get too tight.
Even now, I catch myself thinking things like, “I wish I was a person who gardened in the mornings.”
Well guess what, Kimber?! You can be!!!
So many of the things we hope to do with our lives, the inner treasures and desires of our heart, are constantly ignored because we have made up rules for ourselves that keep us from that wild-spirited, soft-hearted animal that is a part of us.
God is the Ultimate Alchemist
I used to think that I had to guess what God wanted me to do, and felt terrified of making a wrong choice. It was like I was going through a personalized maze that only God had the map for.
“Helloooo up there!” I’d call. “What next?!”
I’d pray and pray and pray, paralyzed at the thought of misstepping.
But sometimes it’s not about right and wrong, or good and evil… it’s just about choosing a flavor of ice cream.
As someone who has a rather excruciating time making decisions, I’ve had to intentionally practice speaking up for myself, developing opinions, and making a choice. It’s not as easy as it sounds!!! But the more decisions I make, the more I learn to trust myself.
In the end, you just have to trust that choosing Salty Caramel ice cream instead of Mint Chip is not going to prevent you from living your life’s purpose! If you’re moving forward, you’re moving forward, even if the path is a little wonky. It’s just a choice!
Yes, those choices can take you across the world.
Yes, those choices might feel scary.
Yes, those choices might bring heartache.
What I didn’t understand then, but what I can see so clearly now, is that God is not a cartographer, God is the Ultimate Alchemist.
I’ve learned that God doesn’t dictate our choices, but uses our choices (both our dumb choices and our awesome choices) to ultimately work together for our good. (Romans 8:28)
We give him our cases full of plain old water and he turns it into rich, flavorful, wine.
He takes our scrawny little fish and loaves and multiplies them to feed five thousand hungry mouths.
We can break free from our self-imposed straightjackets, we can stop guessing at the imaginary map, and we can move forward with the understanding that the Great Alchemist can turn our offerings into treasure.
Happy Sunday, everyone. Thanks for being here.
“When you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it.” - Paul Coehlo
You might enjoy…
Kimber was here… and you’re here, too.
Thank you so much for being here and encouraging my writing. The biggest way you can support my work is by sharing my newsletter with someone you think might enjoy it!
I’m so endlessly grateful for all of my subscribers!!!! xxx it’s a joy to connect with you through your comments, replies to my emails, dms, etc. Thanks for being here :)