When the Lord says go, you go.
My life in 2020 has started in a completely different way than I would have imagined. I am sitting here, now, in the BYU library, procrastinating my online homework, waiting for a meeting with one of my supervisors at the MTC. Nearly everything in my life has changed. A lot of people have been confused about my random move. Am I graduated?What am I doing?? Why??? How did I get here????
This summer, as most of you know, I went to China to study at Dalian University of Technology with the Critical Language Scholarship, which is fully funded by the U.S. Department of State. That's a lot of words -- basically, it means I got to study abroad in an intensive language program for free! It is a highly competitive program to get into, with only about 10% of applicants selected each year. I still think it is a miracle I got accepted on my first time applying. I learned a lot from my experience there.
My host family :)
Anyone who knows me... like, at all, haha... will know how much my mission for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints impacted my life. I learned so much about myself during that time. I discovered a passion for Chinese culture, language, and people. I developed a deep commitment to my religion and a deeper commitment to Jesus Christ. I became bolder, more focused, kinder, more generous. After my mission, I continued to try my best to live in a way that showed my love of Christ and His sacrifice. That's why, when I was in China, I couldn't help but wonder if my experiences were somehow connected. I wondered often why the Lord was blessing me with opportunities in my schooling to gain an acute understanding of the Chinese culture. I constantly asked myself, "Why me? Why have I been given this opportunity? What am I going to use it for?"
First day in New York City as a missionary
It was one of the last day of classes in Dalian. We all had our mini individual battery-powered fans on to keep us from sweating too much in a classroom with no AC. We'd successfully completed the equivalent of a year and a half of college-level Chinese courses in less than two months, and had to stick to a language pledge -- no English allowed. My language skills had grown, my understanding and appreciation of the Chinese culture had grown, and I felt very appreciative and yet perplexed by why I had been chosen to participate. Many of my classmates were interested in pursuing a career in international business, global communications, or international affairs in the government. My teacher asked each of us, "You've learned so much here in a matter of weeks. How are you going to continue to use your language when you go home?"
When she asked that question, it was like everything stopped. My heart started pounding. I didn't know -- that was the problem. That is what I had been trying to figure out this whole time. And just as soon as that small moment of panic came, it left and was replaced by a thought so out of the blue and crystal clear that I knew it was from heaven: "You need to apply for the MTC as a Mandarin Teacher." I understood then that all I was learning now was preparing me for something else. I'd gained so much insight and understanding on my mission, in college, and now on my study abroad that was preparing me to go back to where it had all really started for me -- the MTC! And beyond that, I felt that the MTC (Missionary Training Center) would be yet another beginning for something else that the Lord was preparing for me. And such is life, I guess.
First week at the MTC
The prompting was so strong and real that I never doubted that was what I needed to do. But what I needed to figure out was when. The MTC was about 2-2.5 hours away from where I lived at the time. I was almost (seriously, 90% according to DegreeWorks) done with my degree. I was living with great friends. I considered Utah State University and Logan to be home. So, naturally, I decided that I would wait on applying to the MTC until after I had graduated. That seemed like a good plan and I didn't really think about it again until October. Then, one night in October, I thought to myself, "Well, might as well look at the MTC website to see what the employment process is like." Right when I opened up the website, I felt the Spirit so strongly. I knew I needed to apply. Coincidentally (or not), around that point, I had connected with my former MTC teacher on LinkedIn. He messaged me and said he was glad I was still using my Chinese skills, and when I replied I told him I needed to talk to him because I was looking into applying to the MTC. We ended up talking on the phone for what felt like two hours that night. He'd always been a great example to me of stalwart faith, and in not so many words, he told me, "When the Lord says go, you go. I know He will provide a way for you when you start moving forward."
That night, I decided I would pick up my life, move down closer to the MTC, look for back-up jobs down there, and try to figure out how to finish my degree still in a reasonable time. Because of how the hiring process works at the MTC, along with the deadlines to apply for classes at USU, I had to decide to move down before I would know if I had actually gotten the job. Freaky! The MTC typically does not hire many Non-BYU students, as it is considered a BYU-Student job. The whole move was risky, and the odds weren't really in my favor. I was told this over and over and over by peers, family, strangers, my advisors and people on the phone at the MTC's HR office.
I would tell people that I was moving down from USU and they would have an inquisitive look in their eye. Below is a conversation I had dozens of times.
"Do you have a job down there?" They would ask.
"Uh, no..." I would say.
"Do you have an internship down there?"
"Um, no, not really," I would say.
"Do you have a place to live?" They asked.
"I'm still figuring that one out," I would reply.
"What about a car? Do you have a car?"
"Still working on that one too."
"When will you need to move down?" By now they were looking at me like I was crazy.
"Beginning of December."
"When will you know about the MTC?"
"Probably the end of December, if I'm lucky."
I knew how it sounded to people. I knew how it sounded to myself. The conversations began to wear down on me, and at one point I decided to just stay in Logan. I kept going back and forth, back and forth. I was trying to show my faith to the Lord by researching and meeting with all the right people and doing all the right things, but the truth of it was, I just had to decide to trust Him and take a huge leap into the dark.
I remember kneeling down one night by my bed in prayer and just breaking down. I told Heavenly Father that I was willing to follow the prompting I knew He had given me, but I needed three things in order for it to happen:
I needed a mode of transportation.
I needed a back-up job, for my own sanity.
I needed someone to believe in me.
I remember within a week of that prayer, I had all of those things. Hunter's parents randomly offered me their truck they didn't use anymore, which has been a huge blessing. I had an opportunity to be a substitute for a Chinese-Immersion class in the Valley, and learned of the need they had for subs down in my school district. And instead of giving me just one person who believed in me, God placed many beautiful, inspired people around me who encouraged me to trust in myself and in the revelation I had received for my life. I found a way to complete school with minimal delay.
And after I had done so much on my end, God really did deliver. The MTC is known for its extensive interview process and often applicants do not know about their status on a position for months. But somehow, by the grace of God, I was offered the job as a Mandarin teacher within two weeks of my interview. When the Lord says go, you go.
"Therefore, dearly beloved brethren (and sisters), let us cheerfully do all things that lie in our power, and then may we stand still, with the utmost assurance, to see the salvation of God, and for his arm to be revealed." Doctrine and Covenants 123:17
Ending my first full week as an MTC Teacher (in training)
Here's the thing. Getting the job at the MTC wasn't the end for me. Now I need to rely on Him again to become a better teacher, to prepare with the Spirit, to connect to the missionaries, and to use time wisely. And after that, it will be career paths, marriage, parenting... it just keeps going and going. Getting the job at the MTC wasn't the point. The point was trusting in His knowledge and will over my own. The point was showing Him that I am willing to be led by Him, through all facets of life. I know that even if I didn't get the job at the MTC, I would have known that I followed Him and did what I could. And He still would have provided for me. He just wanted me to learn to trust Him, to believe Him.
"Believe in God; believe that he is, and that he created all things, both in heaven and in earth; believe that he has all wisdom, and all power, both in heaven and in earth; believe that man doth not comprehend all the things which the Lord can comprehend." Mosiah 4:9
We do not comprehend all the things which the Lord can comprehend. Believe in Him. Believe Him. Try it: when the Lord says go, go.